Don't blame me, I learned it from my parents

When I was little my mom used to say she wanted to run away

My dad would say he wanted to live under a bridge

I guess you could say I was f#%ked from the beginning

As I get older, although I do not have any children, I also feel the need to escape from something and be alone. It's not clear what I would be running away from.....my cats maybe? But that doesn't make sense, I love them. I guess I'd just be running from responsibility?

But does running away actually do more harm to myself than good? 

It certainly doesn't effect anyone else. 

Sometimes we like to think our self inflicted sabotage effects others. That they might see it and be like "NOOOOO Don't do it! Come back Maggie!!"

But usually we are met with the disappointing, but far too often true:

"No one was paying attention" reaction 

The world does not revolve around us

The point is to know it's ok to run away, but why not make it more productive by running away in some painting, or drawing? Or turning on all your senses and just taking a moment and practice your receptivity (if you're an actor....or an empath) which we need so much at this time in history. 

It is important to run away if you have to. Lots of life lessons to be learned. But the answer doesnt always have to be alone and it doesn't have to mean giving up on all your hard work.

After all, you've earned everything you have 

Relinquishing Control BLAH BLAH BLAH

I don’t know about you, but I am having a very difficult time walking the line of letting things happen organically…..And trying to control them

My therapist tells me that I need to let my life unfold and try to control less

So how can I get what I want?

Control is the process to which you think you will get what you want.

Control is simply believing that your actions will result in said/desired result.

So I can still take action as long as I don’t tie a result onto it?

That doesn't make sense

Should we all just change the word to navigate? "I am navigating my life" You're never really sure what is going to happen when you navigate.

I also believe in fate; some sort of destiny that whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, was going to happen, regardless of what I chose to do now.

PHILOSOPHY meets PSYCHOLOGY

(wow, deep Mags)

But I am really trying to understand this.

It's especially hard as it pertains to people in my life

I know I cannot control what another person says or does, but asking or provoking honesty definitely helps right?  Or do I just let them autonomously live their lives and want nothing from them?

oof

whatever...I'm just gonna go watch Shameless

Dear Holidays, Thaw Off

You've changed. Or as the adage goes: It's me, not you

But I remember when you and I had the best relationship. I remember when I would FEEL the holiday spirit: It'd be all warm and magical. At that time, there was no family drama. We were all happy and excited and we made hot chocolate and sat next to the fire telling stories and making each other laugh...

You are supposed to be a time for eating cookies and drinking wine. Egg nog? Whiskey? But now, after forgoing the fireplace (because I have none) and indulging myself alone; I am left feeling guilty, bloated and preemptively hungover.

And remember when mom bought everyone's presents because we were kids and had no money? All your friends and family loved you because you were able to show them how much they meant to you! Because back then you didn't have to worry about rent or bills or feeding yourself.  But now with all my friends and co-workers there's no way I can get them everything I want to! I mean come on, I would at least spend 45 dollars each on them, if I could!...Which I can't....because there's about 50 of them and that would be about 900 dollars the bank could double and then turn me into a jail feed with overdraft damages. 

Also, Arent I supposed to be in love or in a relationship? I think Kay Jewelers even goes as far to guarentee so much in their ads. 

Why do you delight in torching me so, dear Holiday Spirit? 

But the movies are marketably better....Ill give you that.

Consider this an attempt to break up with you.  Knowing you, you will find a way to warm my heart for a moment and make me long for you next year....But I have to do what's right for me right now, and as a maturing adult, getting her life together, I can't help but feel you're holding me back. (Luckily, I live in LA, and you are easier to ignore)

I hope you make a lot of money, and kids happy, truly I do 

Sincerely,

Hum Bug