Magdalene Vick

This sun feels so good

Filtering by Tag: mentalhealth

Dear Holidays, Thaw Off

You've changed. Or as the adage goes: It's me, not you

But I remember when you and I had the best relationship. I remember when I would FEEL the holiday spirit: It'd be all warm and magical. At that time, there was no family drama. We were all happy and excited and we made hot chocolate and sat next to the fire telling stories and making each other laugh...

You are supposed to be a time for eating cookies and drinking wine. Egg nog? Whiskey? But now, after forgoing the fireplace (because I have none) and indulging myself alone; I am left feeling guilty, bloated and preemptively hungover.

And remember when mom bought everyone's presents because we were kids and had no money? All your friends and family loved you because you were able to show them how much they meant to you! Because back then you didn't have to worry about rent or bills or feeding yourself.  But now with all my friends and co-workers there's no way I can get them everything I want to! I mean come on, I would at least spend 45 dollars each on them, if I could!...Which I can't....because there's about 50 of them and that would be about 900 dollars the bank could double and then turn me into a jail feed with overdraft damages. 

Also, Arent I supposed to be in love or in a relationship? I think Kay Jewelers even goes as far to guarentee so much in their ads. 

Why do you delight in torching me so, dear Holiday Spirit? 

But the movies are marketably better....Ill give you that.

Consider this an attempt to break up with you.  Knowing you, you will find a way to warm my heart for a moment and make me long for you next year....But I have to do what's right for me right now, and as a maturing adult, getting her life together, I can't help but feel you're holding me back. (Luckily, I live in LA, and you are easier to ignore)

I hope you make a lot of money, and kids happy, truly I do 


Hum Bug  

That was fun, Now let's look at my ex's girlfriend's Instagram!!!

I had a great night. Caught up with a wonderful friend and had only a couple drinks......That shouldn't set me off too much right?


I get home and down food from the refrigerator then wash my greasy hands off and get on my phone...



I turn on the space heater and sit down on the floor next to it.


I get on my phone...At first it was banal, non-offensive behavior....checking notifications, emails....Then I start getting frisky...and not in a sexting sort of way...I mean, playing with myself....And not a masturbatory kind of least not physically.

It starts when I find my way into my 'sound' settings.....And then slowly find my way into my text tones......And then slowly find my way to the one that I used with my ex.

I play it


It is so nice to hear.  I feel the thrill.  I remember what it was like to hear that tone and to know that the other person on the other side was thinking about me and loved me.  (Or so I thought) I played the tone over and over and over and in my tipsy state I stared at the ceiling just feeling the love and longing for it again. 

This is when I should have stopped but didn't...

I then decide it's a good idea to see if he's still dating this girl.  I thought I had a good chance because he has been acting more "attentive" lately.  Calling and texting more frequently....I open Instagram...I search her name....and.....I asked for it.

She's beautiful...Like SUPER Model Beautiful: Perfect bone structure..........Adorable......... Sweet, funny....... Tiny......charming.....And there he is.....Right beside her......Teasing her, Loving her, being affectionate.

He loves her. Like Really loves her. 

Everything I always wanted from him, but he would never give....

She looks awesome. 

"You won" I think

"You've totally won"

And I did this all to myself.

Tonight would have been awesome. If I just didn't tempt


Guide to Gratitude

To appreciate being alone ----------experience the chaos of being around many

To appreciate silence ----- blast music

To appreciate being loved---- be an outcast

To appreciate yourself---look outward

To appreciate others--- know and love yourself

To appreciate relief----know pain

To appreciate the sun ---- have a cloudy day

To appreciate a kiss ---- try not being kissed and/or have many bad ones

To appreciate accomplishment ------ start from the bottom

To appreciate having money ---- have none

To appreciate sleeping till 2pm---- have a long, brutal ass day

To appreciate your car ----  pay $1,500 to get it fixed

To appreciate family ---- experience loss 

To appreciate health -- experience illness

To appreciate cleanliness--- live in filth

To appreciate beauty ---- Write what you see

To appreciate aging ---- imagine not knowing all the wisdom you have now

To appreciate freedom ------have it taken from you.

The two are not mutually exclusive but appreciation sometimes comes from the knowing and trust that you will get through the hard times.

And not just get through...but


Happy Thanksgiving 

xo Maggie