Magdalene Vick

This sun feels so good

Filtering by Tag: hypochondria

LOSING MY VOICE

How F*#king Profound.

I LOST MY VOICE

 

I have no opinions, no thoughts on the matter. I don't care who wins the election. I diet in the spring, binge in the winter, diet again. Go to see the Blockbusters, wait for indies to get on Netflix. I Say I've watched "Game of Thrones" but avoid talking about the details, I listen to top 40, and get trunk on the weekends. Taco Tuesday is a real thing, so is Throwback Thursday and Flashback Friday. I always wear makeup and dress-up to leave the house. I'd rather watch reality TV, than go out a live it and I eat organic or vegan if that's what you're doing.  

No

But really, I lost my voice.  Like when I try to speak it's worse than Wheezy from Toy Story. 

To someone like me this is a profound thing. I don't know how to be quiet, to only listen and not interject some opinion or thought..

Not talking for a day? WHAT?! No way....

No way...not going to happen

But I have very little choice in the matter

My best friend is getting married and I am honored to go with her to her dress fitting. At first I overdo it, I dramatically point and gesture with loud, open arms how stunning she looks. Then I resign from the caricature of myself and all I can do is smile. My best friend, who means more to me than anything is in front of me literally looking like the most beautiful thing in the entire world and all I can do is smile. And that's enough. She doesn't need me to show or tell her how stunning she is.  Her beauty and happiness reflects on me and speaks for itself. 

Later that day I catch up with a friend. A friend I haven't seen in a long time because we had a disagreement...It's a friendship I cherish and have missed. I must chose my words wisely....Bring up pain from the past? F*#k no. I want to hear about the beauty and success in their life. I want to root for them and tell them I love them.  I cut all the crap and beneath all of it chose only the love.  See that's the beauty of losing your voice...

You end up FINDING it

DOCTOR DOCTOR

Jane the Nurse: "You can totally ask the Dr that, that's what she's here for"

Me: "Good, because I am a bit of a hypochondriac and I'm already nervous being here......"

Jane: "Step on the scale please"

I find a chair for my handbag, take off my sweater......and shoes for the lightest possible result ...."whoa"......(uncomfortable laugh)........."wasn't like that this morning...I shouldn't have had lunch so late....I tried to schedule an earlier appointment but she was all booked up..."

Jane looks at the screen and enters the vitals

Me: "Im on a couple medications one is for Birth Control but the other is very controversial.....Some doctors don't like me taking it, but I have to you know? It makes others crazy, but to me....It just makes me normal.  But there is so much judgment and it makes me feel worse right? Like, I should feel comfortable taking my medicine because when I don't, I don't want to take it. But it helps me you know?"

Jane looks at me "Yea, girl I get it. When people don't take their meds they get off their rocker"

I smile....

"I also have some girl stuff going on and I just want to make sure it's all normal you know? (wink wink) I did my research and found the best female doctor in the area. So glad she could see me........Also, been having a little tenderness around my boobs... But I think its because I picked up a really heavy baby the other day.....Or maybe it was the pull up machine at the gym....I'm also on my period so....that would also explain the weight gain..."

Jane: "You'll like her"

Me: "Good because I am a bit of a hypochondriac and I just want to make sure everything is ok"

Jane: "The Doctor will be in shortly"

wait ...wait...wait....wait....wait....wait...(take a selfie)...wait....wait....wait....wait....wait

KNOCK      KNOCK

ENTER YOUNG MALE DOCTOR

Dr. Johnson: "Hi there, I'm Dr. Johnson, Dr. Kaston's apprentice. What brings you in today?"

Me: --------"um"--------"Nothing"------

Dr. Johnson: "Nothing you want to ask? Everything's Ok?"

Me: "Yep....All good...."