Magdalene Vick

This sun feels so good

Filtering by Category: Holidays

When you realize it's over

Remember the beginning when a guy is super interested in you

Then after a few months he realizes he has you and suddenly things seem less exciting?

I have been talking to this guy for a year now. In the beginning, it was him texting me pretty often. 

Now 12 months later, It's me texting him. 

You could give me advice that I should let it sit, or put it on a shelf for a while, but then I think back to the excitement in the beginning and I desperately want to recreate that, to bring it back....

But it will never come back. What I have now is the present. It is what it is going to be. It's been a year, if things were going to accelerate then they would have already.

So I sit back....Knowing that if I contacted him he would respond, but trying to be honest with myself....Do I really want a relationship with someone who doesn't really.... Who isn't really excited about me right now?

Probably not

Yet there is something in me that thinks I can make him somehow. Like "If only he could see me more, or hang out with me more he would fall in love with me!" It's hard to let things rest when you want them so bad. Especially on holidays like Valentines.  My M.O. is that I can more or less push things to happen, and that's just not realistic. Realistically it's the exact opposite, if I sit back and let things unfold, he will probably love me more. 

But that is hard to do.

That requires the kind of confidence where you know how incredible you are without having to prove it. I don't know if i have that yet. I don't know many people that do. 

But one of the many problems with my thinking here is the fact that if I let it go, in the moment of stillness, thinking it is the end...or that it's over. That's so silly. When is it ever over except when it is morbidly over....

Nothing is Permanent 



Relinquishing Control BLAH BLAH BLAH

I don’t know about you, but I am having a very difficult time walking the line of letting things happen organically…..And trying to control them

My therapist tells me that I need to let my life unfold and try to control less

So how can I get what I want?

Control is the process to which you think you will get what you want.

Control is simply believing that your actions will result in said/desired result.

So I can still take action as long as I don’t tie a result onto it?

That doesn't make sense

Should we all just change the word to navigate? "I am navigating my life" You're never really sure what is going to happen when you navigate.

I also believe in fate; some sort of destiny that whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, was going to happen, regardless of what I chose to do now.


(wow, deep Mags)

But I am really trying to understand this.

It's especially hard as it pertains to people in my life

I know I cannot control what another person says or does, but asking or provoking honesty definitely helps right?  Or do I just let them autonomously live their lives and want nothing from them?


whatever...I'm just gonna go watch Shameless


Friends!!! (can you pick out which one you are?)

  • Large Black Tourmaline Crystal ---$2,790 
  • Two tickets to see Hamilton Orchestra Floor Center Row w on Christmas Eve---$1,680
  • Lego Star Wars Red 5 X-wing Starfighter 10240 $265
  • Ai Wei Wei Taschen Book $1,500
  • Brother PE 770 Embroidery Machine $499.99
  • Barney's gift card $500
  • Barbie Hello Dreamhouse Dollhouses $239.99
  • A Roundtrip trip to Italy on Aeroflot Airlines $1,709
  • Leonard Cohen Book of Longing: Poems Signed and Stamped by Leonard Cohen $575
  • Chanel Travel Makeup Palette $95
  • Bose QuietComfort 35 Bluetooth Wireless Over Ear Headphones $314.99
  • Charvin Extra Fine Oil Color Deluxe Oil Painting set $932.79
  • Neuman TLM 103 Microphone Cardioid- Nickel $895.95

That's how much you mean to me! I would totally have bought this all for you! I love you so much!!!!

Unfortunately, I don't have $11,997.71 to spend on gifts right now. ....But hey it's the thought that counts right? . Feel free to take my ideas and buy them yourself though .....or send them to me!! 

I'm so excited, you will like it so much!!! 

Aww, You're welcome! I know, I'm the best. But you really deserve it!

Merry Xmas, Hanukkah ...etc