When you realize it's over
Remember the beginning when a guy is super interested in you
Then after a few months he realizes he has you and suddenly things seem less exciting?
I have been talking to this guy for a year now. In the beginning, it was him texting me pretty often.
Now 12 months later, It's me texting him.
You could give me advice that I should let it sit, or put it on a shelf for a while, but then I think back to the excitement in the beginning and I desperately want to recreate that, to bring it back....
But it will never come back. What I have now is the present. It is what it is going to be. It's been a year, if things were going to accelerate then they would have already.
So I sit back....Knowing that if I contacted him he would respond, but trying to be honest with myself....Do I really want a relationship with someone who doesn't really.... Who isn't really excited about me right now?
Yet there is something in me that thinks I can make him somehow. Like "If only he could see me more, or hang out with me more he would fall in love with me!" It's hard to let things rest when you want them so bad. Especially on holidays like Valentines. My M.O. is that I can more or less push things to happen, and that's just not realistic. Realistically it's the exact opposite, if I sit back and let things unfold, he will probably love me more.
But that is hard to do.
That requires the kind of confidence where you know how incredible you are without having to prove it. I don't know if i have that yet. I don't know many people that do.
But one of the many problems with my thinking here is the fact that if I let it go, in the moment of stillness, thinking it is the end...or that it's over. That's so silly. When is it ever over except when it is morbidly over....
Nothing is Permanent